Dare To Be Stupid
by Dr. Carol Clark
How often do you hold back expressing yourself because you don’t want to look stupid? How often does negative self-talk keep you from saying or doing something you want? Did you know this can be part of an addictive process?
Addiction is about stimulation, and fighting is stimulating. That includes fighting with ourselves. How many times a day do you get into an argument with yourself about something you sort of want to do but don’t really? Or argue with yourself about something you think you “should do” but would rather not?
“Should” is a bad word, by the way. It puts the responsibility for our decisions and behavior on an external entity, such as society, a parent, a religion, or just “them.” I “should” exercise, I “should” pray on Sunday, I “should” be nice to my Aunt Sally. We use “should” to control other people, which then alleviates our own insecurities, as in “You should bring me flowers,” “You should call me every day,” or “You should want to have sex with me five times a week.” “Should” leads to guilt or resentment and who says? Change it to “want” or “would like” and you can change your mood and attitude.
When we argue with ourselves, there is a “should” involved, which leads to increased stimulation for the addict brain. When we really dig deeper to find the meaning underneath the surface “shoulds,” we find that special button that gets pushed so easily and leads to anger, resentment, and overall disconnection. That button is whatever message you have taken in about yourself that is not rational but was ingrained at a young age when you weren’t even aware of it. That button is the one that says “I’m a failure,” “I’m not important,” “I’m worthless,” or “I’m stupid.” You argue with yourself because you know, cognitively, that it’s not true, but deep inside your limbic system, you fear that it is.
There are various ways to heal from the traumas that caused you to create that button and there are many interventions to change your responses to events that push the button, but meanwhile, how do you not engage in the mental conflict that is so stimulating to your addict brain? How do you get past the negative beliefs about yourself to just speak up and express yourself?
You say, “So what?” So what if I’m worthless, so what if I’m not important, so what if I’m a failure, so what if I’m stupid?
So what? Float above it like you float above the rip tide.
Dare to be stupid!
(Weird Al Yankovic,)
Be In Light
Carol
